


Have A Little Faith

by RonRos47



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25626706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonRos47/pseuds/RonRos47
Summary: Personal secrets that Brittany and Santana can only help each other with.TRIGGER WARNING!
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Have A Little Faith

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- deals with sensitive issues of cutting.
> 
> Thanks to @DansenFic on Twitter for allowing me to use the prompts.
> 
> Prompt: AU/"How Did You Know"

Everyone kept secrets. No one had to know that’s why they were secrets. Secrets were secrets for a reason and for Santana Lopez that was no different.

She hated gym glass, she hated being a cheerleader. It was good at the beginning back when she was a freshman but now it no longer seemed to matter, none of it did.

The only things she had going for her was Glee club which she had only agreed to at the request of her cheer coach. Then there was her best friend Brittany. They’d been friends since trying out for the cheer squad so it didn’t surprise her when Brittany walked over to slammed her locker shut.

“You quit cheerleading,” said Brittany, “why would you do something like that? Are you insane?”

“Probably. Look is it wrong that I want to try other things?”

“Other things, like what?” 

“I don’t know yet.”

“Well then can’t you figure it out while remaining a Cheerio?”

“I’d rather not.”

“But think about it, Santana, what about your reputation?”

“What about it, I’ve got nothing to lose.”

“Then what about me?”

Santana smiled, “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Britt.”

“Not without you.”

“Look all I want to focus on is Glee. I may hate those losers but I still love to sing. I want to focus on that for a bit and figure out what’s next for me.”

“And cheerleading doesn’t fit into that plan?”

“No it doesn’t.”

Suddenly a large voice could be heard from down the hall. “Santana!” Sue yelled.

“Great,” Santana whispered.

“My office, now!” she said when she reached her and Brittany. “You too half-brain.”

*****

When they entered Sue closed the door and walked around her desk.

“Mind telling me what this is,” she asked.

Brittany raised her hand, “a box.”

“It’s what’s inside the box.”

Brittany raised her hand again, “a puppy.”

Santana turned to Brittany and shook her head.

“Santana, can you tell me why your cheerleading outfit is sitting on my desk?”

Santana stood up straight, “I can’t be a Cheerio anymore.”

“Can’t or don’t want to be?”

“Does it really matter?”

“Of course it matters.”

“I just think my time would be best spent doing something else,” said Santana.

“Is that so? Do you realize what you’d be giving up? All that hard work I put into you, just wasted.” No one said anything. “Silence,” said Sue, “Silence is good. I hate silence.” She turned to Brittany. “Did you know about this?”

“Nope,” Brittany easily lied. 

“Then why don’t you try to convince your girlfriend here to not be a quitter.”

“We’re not girlfriends,” Santana and Brittany said at the same time.

“Yeah,” said Brittany, “besides if we were girlfriends I wouldn’t have kept those stuffed animals she got me over summer break at the carnival.”

“Britt,” said Santana, “stop.”

Sue said, “No, please continue. On second thought don’t. Whatever gay thing you have going on between each other I’d rather not know about it. You’d better think long and hard about what you’re doing here, Santana. I don’t take back quitters so easily.”

“It’s a good thing I made up my mind then,” said Santana. “Can I get to class now?”

“Fine, get out of here. You too, Brittany Spears,” she said knowing that would bother her.

Once the two of them were out of Sue’s office, Brittany asked, “are you really sure about this?”

“Trust me, I’m sure.”

“Well then I support it. We're still girlfriends though right, I mean you're not breaking up with me?”

“Of course not.”

“Good.”

The two of them interlocked their pinky fingers and smiled.

*****

Once they went their separate ways, Santana made her way to the restroom. She checked to make sure no one was there and then walked into one of the stalls for some privacy. She reached in to her bag and found what she needed.

Raising up the long sleeve she was wearing her arms were already covered in several cuts. They were nothing major, at least not to her anyways, but they were enough to make some people uneasy.

Santana took a deep breath and brought the scissor blade to her arm where there was some free space. The touch of the blade felt nice as it was cold, exactly what she needed. She pressed down and commenced. 

A wave of relief surged through her after she had made two satisfying cuts. 

She heard the door open and two girls began to talk.

“Can you believe it,” said one of the girls.

“Nope,” said another. “Quitting cheerleading is like committing social suicide. What’s she going to do now, remain one of those gleeks?”

“Who cares,” said, “at least some of us have a better chance of being head cheerleader now that she’s out of the way.”

Santana made a third cut and then once she’d taken care of everything, put away her scissors, covered her arm back up with her sleeve, she got out of the stall.

The girls went dead silent.

“You want to be head cheerleader,” said Santana, “have at it but let’s get one thing straight. You can’t win regionals without me.”

“Oh I doubt that,” said one of the girls.

Santana smiled, “you’ll see.”

“You know coach Sylvester hate’s quitters, right?”

“Then it’s a good thing I no longer give a damn about what she thinks.”

Santana made her way out of the restroom.

“You’re not the badass you think you are anymore,” the other girl called out.

Once she was gone the two girls laughed.

*****

The rest of the day went by in a haze. Santana’s arm had been throbbing all day but she embraced it. It was the one thing no one could take away, the one thing she had control over.

She was normally a good student with descent grades but today didn’t seem to matter. All she could really think about was when she would get her next fix. Santana knew it was a risk to do it at school so she could hold out until she got home later. For now she would just have to make the high last which she could do if she focused all of her energy on it and spend less time focused on what her teachers were saying. She needed that more than anything right now.

*****

“Santana,” said Mr. Shu as he and his class were in the auditorium later. “Anyone seen Santana,” he asked.

Some of the students didn’t answer.

“Mr. Shu,” said Finn, “I saw her leave after last period today. I think she bailed on glee practice.”

Quinn rolled her eyes, “what is her deal anyways? You know she pretty much ignored me all day. Then when I asked about the rumor of her quitting the Cheerios she got pissed and defensive. I’ve seen her angry before but not like that.”

Finn looked at Brittany, “Brittany, you’re her girlfriend, come on you’ve got to know what’s up.”

“I know nothing,” Brittany lied slightly.

“Sure you don’t,” said Quinn. “Could’ve fooled us.”

Brittany looked at the group. “If she wanted to talk she would. Give her some space, geeze.”

Brittany’s answer didn’t seem to be enough to satisfy anyone but she didn’t care. She gave them an answer and that was enough.

*****

“How did you know?” Santana asked as she and Brittany were in her bathroom at home.

Brittany was helping clean Santana’s recent cuts that she had sure enough made when she got home shortly before Brittany had arrived.  
“Because I know you, Santana. I can always tell when something is wrong or when you’re hiding something. I knew you wouldn’t just quit cheerleading without a very good reason.”

“How did you know about the cutting?”

“Call it girlfriend intuition. That and you never wear long sleeves except in the winter. It’s spring.”

“You should hate me.”

“Why would I ever hate you?”

“Because I do sometimes and because most people would look the other way when it comes to this kind of thing. A lot of people try to pretend that this kind of thing doesn’t exist. It makes it hard on them but harder on us who actually have to deal with it.”

Brittany gave her a sympathetic smile, “Well it’s a good thing I actually care.”

“This whole thing, it started when I was twelve. I just do it whenever I get too stressed you know or when the world around me seems to be spiraling out of control which is a lot of the time. It helps for a little while. I thought when I joined the Cheerios that it would all just go away.”

“But it came back.”

“Yeah. That’s why I gave it all up. I’d gone my whole freshman year without it and it was easy to just cover up the scars with makeup but after school finally ended I was just drained and needed a relief.”

“And this was your go to?”

“Why aren’t you judging me about this right now?”

“You have an illness, Santana, you might not see it or even want to but I’m in your corner so how could I judge you for something like that? Have you thought about talking to coach about it?”

“God no. You know the kind of person she is. The last thing she needs is some kind of freak on the team.”

“You’re not a freak, Santana. You just handle things differently than some people. What about your parents?”

Santana shook her head ‘no’.

“If you won’t talk to them will you talk to someone else for me?”

Santana nodded.

*****

“Miss Pillsbury,” Brittany said when she and Santana walked into her office the following morning. No surprise that Mr. Shu was in the office as he often was. “Can we talk to you for a moment?”

Mr. Shu stood up, “I’ll leave you girls too it.”

“No,” said Santana, “it’s um, it’s okay.”

Brittany nodded, “yeah. It would actually be better. We could use the extra help anyways.”

Mr. Shu looked at Emma.

“What’s going on?” Ms. Pillsbury asked.

Brittany closed the door and the two girls took a seat. Brittany held Santana’s left hand as Santana began to talk about what was going on. Tears streamed down her face as she talked. A subject as sensitive as this was difficult.

The good thing about Ms. Pillsbury was that she actually focused on counseling. She wasn’t just one of those school counselors that focused on future plans or on test scores. She actually cared and put in the time to actually listen and give advice. 

Talking about her cutting problems wasn’t easy. It was one thing to talk to Brittany about it but completely different to discuss with an adult. All the more reason to do so though.

By the end of the session Emma handed Santana a list of off campus counselors that would be able to help.

“You know we’re always here for you, Santana,” said Emma.

“That’s right,” said Mr. Shu, “anything you need or even if you want to just talk, you can always talk to me or to Ms. Pillsbury.”

Santana nodded. “Thanks Mr. Shu.”

“And you’re pretty lucky to have Brittany to help get you through this as well,” he said.

Santana looked at Brittany and smiled, “Yeah,” she said.

“Maybe,” said Emma, “If you can, try to talk to your parents. I know something like this isn’t easy and I want to thank you girls for confiding in us. Your parents are good people,” she said, she and Mr. Shu having met them at parent night a few weeks back, “they can help you too.”

“I uh, I know,” Santana replied. “I just need to figure out how to tell them.”

Brittany held onto Santana’s hand and squeezed it, “And if you need me there with you I’d be more than happy to be.”

Santana smiled, “Yeah, I just might need that.”

Emma looked down at her desk, “let me get you two some passes for class.”

When she wrote them out she handed one to each of the girls. They stood up and Brittany opened the door.

“Thank you,” Santana said to both of them.

They offered a comforting smile and the two girls walked out of the office and made their way to their classes.

*****

Hope & Healing.

The topic that Mr. Shu had written on the board for this weeks assignment. He pointed to it.

“Who can tell me what these two words mean?”

“Mr. Shu,” said Artie, “they’re pretty self-explanatory.”

“Maybe but give me a definition, any definition you can think of. There’s no right or wrong answer.”

“Well,” said Tina, “To hope is to have a belief things will get better.”

“Good,” said Mr. Shu. “What about the word ‘healing’?”

“It’s something therapeutic,” said Quinn, “like when things are bad it’s a way to make things right.”

Mr. Shu nodded, “exactly.”

Rachel raised her hand, “Mr. Shu, what does this have to with our assignment this week? I mean isn’t it kind of a pointless topic?”

“Oh please, Rachel,” said Santana, “just because you have an oh-so-perfect life doesn’t mean the rest of us do.”

“Meaning what exactly,” Rachel shot back.

“Meaning some of us actually have problems in our lives that go beyond singing or whatever boyfriend problems of the week.”

“Alright enough,” said Mr. Shu. “Getting back on point. Santana is slightly right. Everyone in this world deals with some kind of struggle or another. It can be something as simple or it can be something larger that we don’t even realize is happening to a person. You see not all songs have to be about love or breakups or sunshine. Sometimes music is deep. It can hit a piece of us that we’re too afraid to admit. And it can also be a way to help through those struggles, something uplifting.”

Finn spoke up, “so that’s what you want from us this week, Mr. Shu, something uplifting?”

“That’s exactly what I want. Find a song that offers hope, something that describes what it means to keep going. That no matter what problems you face in life you don’t have to live in those problems forever.”

Once class was over Santana and Brittany were the last to walk out of the door, hand in hand.

“How am I supposed to find a song of hope when I have none,” Santana asked, “everything seems so pointless.”

Brittany smiled, “that’s what you’ve got me for.”

*****  
The next day for the assignment Finn and Puck stood on the stage in the auditorium. The class had taken seats.

“Mr. Shu,” said Finn, “we thought a lot about you said about music being a way to help through the struggles we have.”

Puck nodded, “And this is what we came up with.”

Finn took a spot behind the drums and the piano guy also began to play. The guys then began to sing.

Finn: You're in the moment now, a bitter root, a wandering eye and then. The ties that bind start wearing thin, thin.

You're in the moment now. When all you've been blessed with is not enough. Here's where the ground gets loose. Here's where the devils call your bluff.

Finn/Puck: Stay strong you are not lost. Come on and fix your eyes ahead. There's a new dawn to light our day, our day. You've gotta stay strong. You and I run for the prize that lies ahead. We've come too far to lose our way, our way.

Puck: We've seen the tragic flaws, the tortured souls, the saints with feet of clay. Here's where sin becomes cliche'.

We've come through wilderness and watched the cloud by day, the burning sky into dawn. Have you forgotten who you are? Did you forget whose trip you're on?

Finn/Puck: Stay strong. You are not lost. Come on and fix your eyes ahead. There's a new dawn to light our day, our day. We've gotta stay strong. You and I run for the prize that lies ahead. We've come too far to lose our way, our way.

Fin: Get up, there's further to go.

Puck: Get up, there's more to be done.

Finn: Get up, this witness is sure.

Puck: Get up, this race can be won.

Finn: This race can be won.

Finn/Puck: We've gotta stay strong. You are not lost. Come on and fix your eyes ahead. Our Father's dawn will light our day, our day. Come on and stay strong. His grip is sure and His patience still endures.

There'll be no letting go today, no way. Come on, and stay strong. You and I run for the prize that lies ahead. We've come too far to lose our way, our way.

Sitting in the back, Santana wiped away her tears. Though the song was kind of a rock song it was the message that got to her.

Brittany squeezed her hand in support.

The class clapped.

*****

“Alright you guys,” Mr. Shu said at the end of the week, “you all have done an amazing job. Is there anyone else who would like to share who still hasn’t gone yet?”

Brittany raised her hand.

“Brittany,” Mr. Shu called.

She stood up and when she went to the center of the room she looked at class and then focused her eyes on Santana.

“I love you, Santana, I love you more than anything in this world. This song is my way of showing you that whatever demons you’re facing, I’m here for you no matter what. You’ve got me forever and we can get through these things together.

The music began to play and Brittany began to sing the song “Have A Little Faith in Me” by John Hiatt.

When the road gets dark and you can no longer see, just let my love throw a spark and have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry are all you can believe, just give these loving arms a try and have a little faith in me.  
And  
Have a little faith in me.

Have a little faith in me.

Have a little faith in me.

Have a little faith in me.

When your secret heart cannot speak so easily. Come here darlin' from a whisper start. To have a little faith in me.

And when your back's against the wall just turn around and you will see. I will catch, I will catch your fall baby. Just have a little faith in me.  
Have a little faith in me. 

Have a little faith in me.

Have a little faith in me.

Have a little faith in me.

Well I’ve been loving you for such a long time in return girl, expecting nothing in return. Just for you have a little faith in me.

You see time, time is our friend, ‘cause for us there is no end. And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me.

I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up.

Your love gives me strength enough  
So have a little faith in me.

“When the song was over, Santana got up to go hug Brittany, tears streaming down her face.

“I love you,” Santana said in to her, “Thank you.”

Cutting wasn’t an easy behavior to stop. Though she had for a year and it had been a great accomplishment, it was still an addiction like any other. It was said that a person could only get help for themselves and not for the sake of anyone else. Santana might not be able to make the promise to stop completely at least she had Brittany as part of her support system, the central part of it and she was grateful. Having a good support system mattered as not many people had that sort of thing.

It would be a struggle, sure but at least Britt would be there for her to help get through it and she knew she would be able to beat this. She could do it and she would, not just for Britt but for herself as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I understand what a difficult issue this sort of thing is. I hope I did it justice while remaining sensitive to this form of addiction.
> 
> Personally having been a cutter myself this story felt necessary to write. I've always dealt with my cutting in three ways: 1.) Joking about it. 2.) Talking about it and sharing my story. 3.) Writing it by including it into my fandoms.
> 
> Santana seemed like the right character to do this story for. Santana was the one screaming in my head for this AU. I tried to choose other characters but none seemed to click. As popular as she was in school despite being bullied and dealing with being gay, I wanted to show that not all the "perfect" girls are perfect. I wanted to show that even those with a high status in high school have issues too.


End file.
